For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

My boy has started to use a fork when he eats. In fact, he pretty much requires it before he'll start anymore. If you've ever been around someone who is 18 mos old, you may have noticed that they don't necessarily ennunciate all the time.

Basically, this means that the MPAA would probably rate the first minute of dinner at our house NC-17. Seriously. It sounds like someone is in a room beating on Eddie Murphy and Robin Williams's thumbs with a BFH. I'm not talking about "Daddy Day Care" or "Mrs. Doubtfire" here. I'm talking about Delirious, Raw, and Robin Williams standup from the first half of the 80's. Lenny Bruce and Andrew "Dice" Clay's career are both wincing in their graves.

We really, really need to work on the "R" sound.

Ryan

Building valuable street cred

So, my boy likes Pumpkins. Like, he likes them ALOT. So whenever he sees them, he yells: "Punk-INS." That's all well and good, and to be truthful, it's damn cute.

However.

Sometimes it sounds like he's saying: "Punk-ASS" I'm really thankful that we live in a small town where this sort of thing isn't going to start some sort of turf war. Someday I'm sure we'll be somewhere where he will see a "Punk-INS" and a "Punk-ASS" at the same time. Then, when the PA looks at me and says "What did he say?" I can say "Pumpkin." But Oli and I will know the truth.

Here's to all you punkasses,

Ryan

Snake Oil

The internet has made it ever-so-easy for people to get conned.(Thanks, Al Gore!) The thing iS, it has also made it really easy for people to completely debunk the con-men in a rather public forum. So, those of us who know a thing or two take great pride in doing just that. Now, I don't want you to think that I'm some heartless a-hole (I am, but I don't want you to think that I am) who goes around picking on people. But when some hoser shows up and tries to sell people a can of marbles for $150 each, I get a little miffed.

And just to set the record straight: There are no miracles in the automotive industry. The closest thing they've ever had (aside from the assembly line) was the invention of the catalytic converter. There were no "secret carburetors" in the 60's that would allow a Lincoln Town Car weighing every bit of 3 tons with a 400 cubic inch big block to get 80 mpg. To be honest, the idea itself is ludicrous, and I'm sorry if you or someone you love has believed it. If someone is trying to sell you some "magic device" that "detroit doesn't want you to know about," guess what? THEY'RE LYING.

The bottom line: Don't buy snake oil. If you are an idiot, you need to find someone you trust so that you can bounce ideas off of them before you go spending your hard-earned cash on some Tornado Fuel Saver. If you're not sure if you're an idiot, ask a friend, unless they're an idiot. Probably a good rule of thumb is: If you're not sure if you're an idiot, but you're SURE your friend is an idiot, you're probably an idiot too. You guys tend to travel in packs. (I think you have to carpool because you wasted all your money on The Turbonator.) I'd ask my friends to prove it to you, but they're all idiots.

Anyway, I'm late for my carpool.

Ryan

Lucrative Business

Having responded to several other blogs this week, I have discovered that my son must have a secret contract with blogger.com. He babbles incessantly, and they record his ramblings and turn them into "word verification" phrases.

I have no idea what he's doing with the money.

slkejee,

Ryan